EVERY TIME A DOOR SLAMS A PASTOR GETS HIS WINGS (2020)

“Next…”

“Hi. I’m Mrs. Jones. I sit in the third row every service, and…”

“I know who you are Mrs. Jones.”

“Well I know that but I wanted to make this official because it is an official thing we are doing here isn’t it?”

“Okay yeah go ahead.”

“Well, I think you should preach on the things that make people feel good but not so good that they won’t get the message, okay?”

“What does that even mean?”

“It means you should preach real good but not get too off or wacky.”

“Wacky? Wacky?”

“Well, I think you know what I mean so you just do that…”

“Next.”

“Pastor, I think you should be cognizant of the fact that people work hard and are busy and need things that are strong but not so strong that it adds to our burden okay? Because life has many burdens and…”

“What do you mean ‘Preach strong?’”

“Okay, I mean strong like in doing it in a way that we get a good message but not something weak but good. You know, strong.”

“Okay, strong. I’ll try that. Next.”

“Pastor Bailey I really like that you are giving us this opportunity to tell you what to preach and, no, wait, not tell you what to preach but suggest, er, to tell you what we would like, or need, er…”

“So what is your, uh, suggestion?”

“So, my thing is I like those kind of Scriptures that are like verses of poetry, you know? I really like those especially because they look great on little wall plaques or bookmarks and I like when I can go to church and picture in my mind mountain vistas and seascapes and scenes of nature. So I think poetry verses are good.”

“Poetry verses? (Are you for real?) You mean Psalms?”

“So, I don’t know what that is but if its poetry verses then I guess yes…”

“Sigh… Next. Please.”

“Pastor, I think you do a great job but we need more teaching! I like real teaching so we can get in deep! Are you familiar with Matthew Henry? Now he could get in real deep and we could all learn…”

“You want me to read Matthew Henry Commentaries from the pulpit?”

“Well no, not especially, but like that, because we need real teaching!”

“Okay, thank you. Real teaching. Please close the door behind you. Thank you… What do we have so far Jennifer?”

“It looks like you are supposed to preach things that make people feel good but not so good that they don’t get the message. Nothing wacky. And it must be strong but not too strong because people are tired. And, oh, it must involve poetry verses and also be deep teaching. Deep. Teaching. Got that?”

“Are you sure this is in the contract?”

“Page 16, Clause 3.”

“Do I have to listen to anyone else tonight?”

“Only one more. It says you must seek five new members each week.”

“Each week!”

“Yes. I’ll get the last one… Who’s next out here?”

“Me!”

“Okay, come in…”

“Hello Pastor!”

“Hello. Well?”

“Here’s what I think. I think you should preach whatever the Lord puts on your heart.”

“Do I even know you?”

“I’m new.”

“Okay. So you’re new. Hi. I’m George Bailey, er, Pastor Bailey. Good to meet you. Your name?”

“I’m Clarence. And I know all about you! What’s important is that you obey the Lord. That’s my advice.”

“But I have to obey all those people! It’s in my contract.”

“I know, but…”

“And next week it’s five more! And then the next! I can’t do this! I must be off my nut! This can’t be happening! I wish I was never born!”

“Oh, you mustn’t say that! …Wait. …You know, I think that could work! …Okay, you were never born. You don’t exist.”

“Don’t exist! Wait a second! This all sounds familiar! Are you some kind of angel or something?”

“Why yes.”

“Great! Now you’re the new pastor too! Later! Don’t hold my calls, Jennifer…” (Slam)

© 2019 by RJ Dawson. All Rights Reserved.

Posted on December 19, 2020, in Current Events and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 11 Comments.

  1. That’s so real! Funny, but sad. Thanks for sharing!

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  2. A different touch for you, RJ 🙂 Most enjoyable. I could picture my dad as the pastor, growing more frustrated every moment. Sad that there really are people who think it’s their job to tell the pastor what to preach.

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  3. Is it any wonder it is God who calls His people and the Holy Spirit keeps them in remembrance of the truth of His word. Sadly there are too many who go to cemetery ……Seminary of man and preach the feel good message the people want. (2 Timothy 4:2-5). Have a Blessed day.
    Julia

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  4. Wow, can we relate to this! I’ve seen so many new pastors who have started out so excited about preaching the Word of God, teaching and inspring the congregation to live a life for Christ. It doesn’t take long before the Deacons start suggesting exactly everything you professed above and the controlling woman of the church (there’s always one, right?) who think they know more than God start protesting that the sermons are too negative.

    The pastor stands firm until he is pushed out because he is considered too “dogmatic.” As you can probably surmise, this is our story too. My husband was the pastor. Although our church doubled in size due to his Biblical preaching, it encroached upon the wishes of those who ran the church building. Therefore this church split for the third time in fifteen years. We held fast to our integrity and Biblical Authority. Half the congregation left with us and this church is struggling for membrs once again while God has blessed us abundantly. It’s important to put on the whole amour of God when being a pastor.

    Sadly, he retired from preaching but happily is a professor at a Bible college in Fl. It has been tough finding a church which actually preaches expository preaching but exists on feel-good sermons because it makes them feel better. I’m hungry for the Word and that’s why I appreciate your columns so much! Blessings back,

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    • Thank you Ellie. I appreciate your positive spirit and encouragement. As I wrote in my book, Christianity has drifted far from its moorings. Those Christians who understand, in order to have the spiritual success we desire and must have to be in compliance with the Lord’s commands and teachings, that we must return to our roots, are willing to do whatever is required. It is obvious that the majority of Christians do not have this desire or willingness and is why in part that it is next to impossible to progress, as it were, toward the example of the original believers in any overall sense. Whatever work we are able to accomplish is always appreciated by the Lord, and you and your husband must ultimately feel good about your efforts.

      The Lord made it clear that He came with a sword. Doing His will is not easy and those Christians who refuse, regardless of what they may think of themselves and how much they are supported by their unwilling groups, will be separated out. Whoever the Lord may use to bring greater truth and light is only doing what the Lord requires and does not deserve the adverse reactions they often receive but persecution is inevitable. Trust me, I know what a massive fight this can be and can certainly relate but the answer is to always venture onward doing our best to obey the Lord and accomplish His will.

      Keep up the great work. Blessings to you.

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      • Amen! The reason I began New Creations Ministries is due to seeing so many place food onto an Asharah pole and worship their stomachs above all else. There’s a lot of correlations between nutrition and Spirituality. It later became a book as yours did.

        One of my favorite verses is Genesis 50:20. We trust in the Lord and are willing to be used as His Vessel. We know even Jesus became discouraged at times but as he did, we trudge on with determination (and smiles) so all will know Truth. Besides, we have nothing to be sad about! I also thank you for your encouragement. Blessings back,

        Liked by 1 person

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